An O d e to my Younger S e l f

This concept has been on my mind a lot recently. 

And so has the younger version of myself. I feel the lingering spirit of my younger self around, and I can't help but wonder what it would be like to have a conversation with her. 

I wonder, how would my younger self feel about who I am today? 

I can't help but feel like she would think I've lost my way a bit. 

When I look back on my younger self, I see a reflection of the part of me that is missing today. 

My younger self, who ran freely barefoot outside for months on end, with tangled hair and sun tanned skin, would be shocked to know that I am lucky to get out into nature a few times a month, if I'm lucky. 

My younger self, who cared so little about her appearance, might be saddened to know that I pick myself apart in the mirror. 

My younger self, who was such a big dreamer, and believed nothing was impossible, would be amazed that I hold space for doubt, or deeply question my own every move. 

I often wonder, when did that young girl transform? When did she allow for external influences to shape who she is? 

That young girl was the embodiment of what it means to be wild. She saw plants and animals as friends, and saw them for the conscious spirits they are. She never saw herself as separate from the natural world, and matter of factly was more comfortable being plugged into it. That young girl, despite having the world ahead of her, and the journey of life to walk on, was confident in who she was, and the question of who she was meant to be never really arose in her mind. 

Today, a couple of decades later, that girl is my biggest source of inspiration. The truth is, she is not gone, and her voice grows louder the further I stray. 

She reminds me of who I am. The girl who laughs openly, not thinking about what people say about her smile. 

​She reminds me that I have every ability to achieve my dreams, and pursue a path that is authentic and real. My younger self would have never allowed opinions or preconceived ideas to hamper a good daydream. She encourages me to think big, and not be concerned about the possible consequences, because right now they do not matter. 

So today I choose to ask myself, how might I give back to my younger self? 

I will choose to embody her. 

I will remember what it means to be wild. I will remember who I was before I allowed external influences to shape my path and tell me who I am. 

I will return to nature, and listen to the plants. I will gratefully accept their wisdom, and rebelliously slow down long enough to genuinely listen. I will take the time to allow myself to feel the wind kiss my face and run its fingers through my hair. 

I will embody the girl who decorated her childhood forts with cleavers, and made magical potions in the yard. I will embrace her dreams of healing the world around her. 

I will choose to pursue friendship in place of fearful judgement. And I will extend that friendship and loving energy toward myself. I will choose to remember my talents in place of my flaws and celebrate them. And while I am at it, celebrate my imperfections as well, for if we all were the same, we would not be unique. 

I will stay up late and gawk at the moon. I will jump in the river and giggle loudly. 

I will return to her. 

Thank you for this space to be vulnerable. May we all remember who we are.